Thursday, July 21, 2005

new life, same old world

kinda disorganised and disoriented nowadays, like i'm drifting way out in the wide open sea. it's ironic that i'm involved in the float. haha. been going to nus almost every day, and staying from morning till just before dinner. feels like school's started, yet not really. i can't help but feel a bit disappointed every single day i see the school that i've chosen (or maybe it's the school that's chosen me) and saddened that i don't get to go to a foreign country to meet newer friends. cos here, someone new is highly likely to be a friend's friend and you can never be totally unrelated to anyone cool and new. it's really like not moving on at all. i'm going to start a massive packing of my room. turning twenty in a few months (shit!) and i've still got stuffed toys, millions of them in fact, scattered all over, occupying every single nook and cranny of my room. gah.

it's been quite an unproductive time in school in the sense that our costumes (argh we got suckered into doing costumes) are not going along too quickly. but at least i've been og-bonding with the very enthusiastic captain planet :) many times you overlook someone because first impressions are not as telling - people are often reserved and act in strange ways in the company of totally new strangers (that's why we call each other strangers) - then when you actually let down your own guard, and see things with a broader mind, you find out how funky they are. but first you must let yourself be approachable, and that's becoming an increasingly difficult task, to be vulnerable and friendly and tolerant i mean. it's so much easier to be angry and sullen. but of course it's very silly to pretend to be something i'm not; i'll be whatever i want, depending on which way my mood swings. is that even a proper phrase? >.<

on a somewhat related note, the world is freaking small. especially singapore. don't ever tell a lie, because it will come back and haunt you. as your social circle widens, and your friends' (and enemies') social circles overlap there is less room for retreating into your own corner, for burying your head in the sand, for pretending some things never happened. then again, don't ever tell the truth, if you're too humji to face it.

the photo with every single person from captain planet!

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