Saturday, August 27, 2011

sianness of unknown origin

i am lying in bed with my macbookair, thinking of how much of my material assets i do not use. when i come home the only things i ever really touch are my toiletries, the bed and the computer. there's no need for all the soft toys, storybooks, posters of jaychou, and thousands of postcards/keychains/trinkets randomly collected over the years. they don't seem to add any value. i can't even remember when or how i came by half of them. feel like throwing out everything, pressing delete, and starting from scratch.

just me, the bed, a toothbrush and my macbookair.

i feel like i'm in limbo. can i really bring myself to just pack every object, that somehow used to be a part of my growing up, into black plastic bags and not give a hoot? what if my macbookair crashes and all the photographs i did not develop were to disappear forever and ever?

i also feel like i want to quit working and travel forever and ever. be a stranger in a strange land, although i like the familiarity of my bed, the smell of my kitchen and the warmth that spreads through my chest when i hear the heavy breathing of the rocky monster the moment i step into the house. i want to just float around, and not be committed to anything just for a few years or so. damn the bond. but is that just an excuse for not being brave enough to just go?


maybe lack of rest, proximity to exams, or simply the underexposure to sunshine is making me feel this way. or a retarded quarter century crisis kinda thing.

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