there's only going to be pain if you feel. this statement, i hope, is not as stupid as it might sound. not going to talk about nociception and the spinothalamic tract, obviously. but rather, i'd like to explore why we're always in so much pain, from the bitter accusing words that cut and hysterically exasperating shouting matches to the deafening silences and complete denial and avoidance when things just get too hard to handle, to the isolation and eventual breakdown of all your senses, except that for perceiving pain. extreme pain.
there's only this bad feeling because there's something to compare it to, a relative situation, when things were better and greener on the other side. you'd think, what a pity, it was so good before. as always there are more words to describe the different types of hurt, but only a limited few to vocalise our joy. happiness is just that, but hurt can be due to so many reasons, and we all hurt because of the resistance. a rebellion against the facts that we wish weren't true, a distrust of the information received, denial that there's something wrong. no matter how hard we shake our heads in disagreement, when you finally look straight ahead, things are the way they are. fight friction fire burn pain.
this stirring nausea and a feeling (for lack of a better word) in my gut, kinda reflective of the plethora of emotion and conflicting thoughts and intentions and unsaid words brewing up a storm in my head. gone are the days where there'd be a rush of words when you finally spoke. because the time in between, not days, not weeks and not even months. the years changed me. me you us whatever. for someone only two decades old, years is eternity. eternity and it's too late to start afresh. there's no such thing as a clean slate anyway - there's always memory, always heart strings to pull, always reminders of the past lying around in my room. it will never ever be the same again.
how pms never changes, how your timing is always the same - atrocious. how the same words irritate and perplex, how i'm still irritated and perplexed. how it was always like skewed lines on never-intersecting-planes (haha i forgot all my mathematical terms but whatever)
the question now is, was the friendship so special that i me you we'd be willing to give it a shot anyway? baby steps, strangers to acquaintances to friends. yup and stop there thank you very much. maybe i'm just over thinking this, but what's new?
digressing... now. because bean/suzy sent a britney spears song. i like autumn goodbye!! i never promised you a happy ending, you never said you wouldn't make me cry. but summer love would keep us warm long after our autumn goodbye. haha!! kinda suitable cos it's autumn, not in singapore but elsewhere i guess.
autumn seems like a nice season; it's when you suddenly realise that the seasons are changing, because of the colours so vivid. rich golden red falling all around. shafts of light break through the once full-volumed trees. and you can smell the snow flakes, just a few weeks away. speaking of which, christmas is coming yayy =p
ever jumped into a pile of those maple leaves, and be joined by your friend, sinking in slowly and melting into each other, laughing so hard that both of you are tearing?
i want to see autumn leaves fall;
i've never seen autumn leaves fall :(
the jelly ones jo sent are not counted
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