Monday, February 18, 2008

a week before cofm pros - a boring/honest entry

3 discarded drafts (of religion, the past, and the future) later, i present to you the most dull blog entry ever. self-censorship! is going to kill me soon, if the exams don't. i've been doing everything lately, as if the hols have started/never ended, and studying takes up about a few minutes of my life each day. which is starting to reek of last-minute-hug-buddha's-legs desperation in this last week before the pros. fuck. it's library time.

on an out of point note. i saw in the pharmacy, on the same shelf as hydrating face masks, firming breast masks with moisturising properties for the sensitive skin there. it was dome-shaped and i pointed and laughed at it so cruelly the the lady behind me discreetly glancing at it glowered at me when i caught her eye. hahaha, breast masks. what is the world coming to.

anyway i was thinking, you really don't need friends who fade into oblivion after they get distracted by other things, or only talk to you when there is gossip or some favour to ask of you. by surrounding yourself with all these people who traipse in and out of your life, whose lives you're just a passerby of, in the end it's just feeding an insecurity - that quantity will make up for the quality. but i get it, obviously no one can be there 24/7, no one is perfect, and sometimes people change after a spell of indifference.

if it really is Meant To Be, no matter how long, the chemistry won't change. unfortunately, it has, for most of the people i'm slowly shrugging off. the feeling of lightness comes also with a slight twinge of emptiness. so, be understanding, less needy, more independent, and if there's no other way, be the same to people for the sake of self-preservation. you just have to wait and see. time will tell, and time will make you stronger and braver so as to counter this inevitable consequence of life.

today my 2 motivations (argh bad english) for going to school are an orange giraffe and the promise of new york/not being retained. hurray.

addendum: ladies and gentlemen, this, apparently, is what an orange giraffe looks like :) still, a sucker for skilful hands am i.

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