i dream of someone

life's getting dull. there's no particular goal now, except to wait and see. but i'm particularly good at writing nonsense, so here. bah, go ahead, bore yourself to death. not to mention that after i keep announcing to the whole world how i've given up on certain people, i never do. but really, i'm getting tired of it so i'll give it a rest and just let time do my work for me. after all, it's natural for me to just totally ruin any relationship the moment he starts to show interest in me. totally my nature. it's pissing me off, and i've tried so hard to stop it but nooooo *bleah*

i'm thinking out loud. this is what happens when you have nothing to do. haha. amusing. i need to buy winter clothes, pants especially. i have terribly short legs and i really don't want to wear my mum's old pants. they look like old pants! =\

i've been told i'm morbid haha. this thought in my head won't go away. if i die tomorrow, what would happen. what's the proper procedure, or do people not follow procedures. who tells my friends, assuming i have friends. what about my room? do they make my bed for me? will my best friends help me tell whoever that i loved him? will he be affected forever and never marry? will my friends know i loved them? do you think my dogs will miss me? must make sure my parents don't throw klassie out of the house k. will people read my diary, or will they throw it away like it didn't mean anything? will i get to see my funeral? i hope i look happy. a long time ago, i think i decided to tell myself a joke and laugh the moment i know i'm gonna die, so i die happy. will they find that damn ring i lost and put it in my coffin? cos i'd like that. maybe i should leave a list of what-to-do's just in case. i don't want to be cremated - hate fire. though it wouldn't really matter. i might wanna die young. memories fade as you grow older. the younger i die, the longer i am remembered. sort of. the big flaw is that, they don't have much to remember you by. strike a balance, die in the middle? no way, i'd wanna enjoy my retirement. goodness, it's so hard to decide when to die. that's why you shouldn't =p