Sunday, February 13, 2005

i'm giving up, i think

told my mum she could match make me whenever she liked. it's like admitting defeat (no this really isn't some sort of hunting game to me) but if it works out, it'll be super cool right haha. seriously, i'm very tired of all this (in general) second guessing, misconstrued emotions, unpredictable moods and *horrible* circumstances.

shengxiang read my blog and was teasing me in the cab back home (thank you!) last night. quite funny actually- i dint realise i had rambled so much that everything just fell out of my heart and into the blog. good guess genius. someone else told me there were practically neon lights on the roof of my house. BUT. (warning: the next paragraph is 100% pure absolute confusing-ness)

maybe this time's not like the last time. if there's a "this time". for one, there's no competition as yet. because of the many many complications before this, i never really saw what i see now. or i did but my hands were tied and my heart wasn't free. eh that's a line from some song! haha whatever. but then again, is it just cos i need to throw myself into an impossible quest (shit there i go again, it's really not a game or contest, it's just the terms that keep popping up. okay maybe it does signify something since i keep making it sound like a race) to temporarily occupy my empty heart and mind? and even so, it may be too late, or too awkward to do anything. jm so smart, told me to be brave. right. i'm a girl okay!! or you know what, i could just be just confused and don't really feel anything for anyone. wait, i thought i was giving up. argh. it'd be good if i could sort myself out once in a while. hahah so spastic i'm rambling to myself. if i keep typing what i think, this blog would collapse due to excess . if you understand me, well done, you should tell me about me. basically emily's one confused, talkative girl.

hmm. but i won't stop blogging cos it's quite fun to type. it's good if you feel a tirade coming =p anyway no tirade but i wanna say it's damn fun making grasshoppers from grass/palm tree leaves. not that i successfully made one, or even half. and every single one the 3 of us made were generally failures. i love my swing. it's under utilised, but that's cos i don't care to use it till there's good company to sit by me. okay i should try jm's self-hypnotising shit. bloody hell i can't believe i believe him.


No comments: