Wednesday, May 11, 2005

the sky is falling and no one knows

it's very sad when you actually dare to dream big big dreams and they come crashing down. the bigger your dream, the worse it gets. this coming from a person who's obviously failed. when asked what adversity i've faced in my all too comfortable life, i always had nothing to say; i've got all the things i need. now that i truly want something, there's less than a fraction of a chance. is it payback? my life seems to dwindle down to nothing, when really you ought to be soaking in all the experiences and be bursting with joy at the end - i am idealistic yet so pessimistic, i'm confused. so sue me.

things that keep me going are my friends, their kind words and open hearts always touch me. which is why i'm forever thanking them (eg the previous post) but what do you do when there is no one in the world who can make it better, yourself included. it takes so much courage to pull yourself together and get over the horrifying truth, then it takes even more strength to go on walking down a path someone picked out for you. i wonder when i will move on and not be bitter about it.

a hundred minutes of driving isn't enough. i want to drive drive drive to london paris tokyo new york. i can't even drive on expressways! GAH. hmmm okay, positive thinking time. besides catching up with cai and sunny soon, i will look forward to...
1. touch gathering
2. 412 outing
3. judo bbq (shite, i have a feeling everything's gonna clash)
4. hippos painting their toenails ;)
5. once-in-a-month date (:

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