Sunday, April 29, 2007

you don't need pants

driving alone in the heavy rain, with almost no visibility, at 6am, is awful. to think i got up at 530 and ate a lonely breakfast in my car, nearly collided with a car wreck whose passengers stupidly didn't bother to put up a hazard sign, just to reach the hospital to witness some unpleasant albeit exciting verbal onslaughtery (?) and then fall asleep every half hour for the rest of the day.

walking down the corridor in my goddamn irritating noisy heels, heart beating crazily to remind me that i'm alive now just to be able to feel so miserable. feeling pesky (not by choice) and very incompetent. stupid. the patients look so tired and sleepy and unwilling, but it's your problem. better not fuck it up, dear girl, you'd hate to go back 2 or 3 times more to make more of a nuisance of yourself. which i almost had to do had it not been for the presence of case files and the patient's ability to sleep the moment i walk near him.

a short while before lunch, as good a time as any. a frantic search for "good cases" yields an elderly cantonese speaking only man with aaa. leaning over to feel his chest and abdomen, his dry inelastic skin looking and feeling so fragile. i used my burgundy stethoscope at long last. his signs were classic, but i didn't know that; i had to be told. one year of clinics makes such a lot of difference, even the patients can tell.

the doctors come in many shapes and sizes, but mostly, they are all wayyyy smarter than us. who can blame them for their sometimes bemused, yet sometimes impatient tone. at least i'm happy that everyone has some knowledge to impart and that there's plenty to learn - this is what happens when you're the one who knows the least. [reminder to self: write more things down. and, buy more notebooks.] they are all busy and it's hard to schedule tutorials, another thing i'm not adjusted to, so we end up having them at 530. i wish we could go home earlier and slack, but alas, 'tis medical school.


i guess this reflects the way life is now, fragmented and no long term plan since i cannot decipher my timetable. snippets. no time? no, simply a lack of organisation, patience and clearheadedness. wait a minute, i'm ALWAYS like that =p

ps. omg help, i keep thinking of the excusemewheredoibuypants guy, who's more of a stranger than a friend of a friend. argh. what's new.

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